Too Tall to Hide Behind My Mother

I've always been shy.

I was the kid who hid behind my mother when people tried to talk to me. Of course, that just made them want to talk to me more. Why does that happen?

In school, I hardly ever said a word. In kindergarten, I was so shy that I couldn't even ask to go to the bathroom (you know how that turned out). In first grade, they divided the class into three groups based on how well we could read. I received the honor being in the lowest level because I never volunteered to read anything out loud. Eventually the teacher figured it out and moved me to the highest level.

My shyness still gets me into trouble. For example, there was the charming but quiet young man who lamented that he wished I would talk to him more. Our conversations consisted of a lot of awkward silences and nervous smiles.

I find it difficult to make eye contact with people. I have nervous habits (I fiddle with my jewelry, my hair, anything within reach) and I never know what to say. Well, almost never. Once in a while there is a miracle and I have a conversation that is completely non-awkward.

Now I'm too tall to hide behind my mother, and I demand restroom breaks when necessary. Progress, right?

Here are a few things that have helped me along the way:

• Good friends. When I was really young, I think I only had friends because I never said anything. They could talk all they wanted and I wouldn't interrupt. Later I met awesome people who took the time to get to know me, as much as I resisted. I love outgoing people who boss me around and try to shove me out of my shell. 
• Having something to say. Okay, this doesn't always happen. Sometimes even when I think in advance about what I can talk about, the conversation totally falls flat. That is, unless I'm out in the ministry (and speaking English)--then things go more smoothly.
• Growing up. It happens to everyone. Bummer. 
• Taking care of myself. I admit, I haven't been doing a great job of this lately, but when I eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and have fun picking out my outfits, I feel a lot more inclined to talk to people. 
• Cultivating a positive outlook. I don't like to admit it when I'm feeling sad or annoyed or frustrated,  so I just don't say much of anything. Keeping Joy joyful is something I really need to work at. 
• Focusing on other people. 

I'm rather tired of being shy. I don't mind spending time alone, but sometimes I think I'm alone too much. Everything becomes me, me, me until I get out and get in touch with people. It's an awful feeling. I get tired of me. 

I guess I'll just keep working, then...