Time to Revise! (Again)

I'm startlingly critical of other writers who let little typos and such slip by them, but I'm just as guilty (if not more so) than them. I'm at the beginning of revising my newest book, which is the sequel to the one I finished last year. To give myself a good foundation for revisions, I decided to reread the first one--and I was appalled.

Spellchecker stopped working for my first novel once the document reached a certain length, so all those annoying red and blue lines disappeared. That was a bad thing because my prose was peppered with transposed letters, extra letters, and other embarrassing literary foibles. I hang my head in shame. But I suppose that is what I get for trying to be my own editor.

My goal for my new book...publish it with few or no grammar, syntax, or spelling errors. It will take patience I don't have, but I want to be proud of my work, not ashamed that I didn't bother to give it a once over before thrusting it out in the world.

Alas, first things first. First I have to muddle through the story and mold it into something that flows well with the first one and that I find satisfying. It has a long way to go. I have to add scenes and chapters, rethink character reactions, and insert plot points that I can use when I write the third book. The prospect makes me shudder.

My goal is to get the book done by the end of the year, although my amazing talent for procrastination may have something to say about that. We'll see how it goes!

For Avri

Don't try to sell me anything. I will buy it, and I will probably regret buying it. That being said, sometimes it's downright fun to deal with those salespeople in the mall. Are they desperate? Are they bored and want someone to talk to? Do they thrive on the challenge? I don't know, and I'll never understand.

The particular salesman that entrapped me today was a nice fellow by the name of Avri, whom I kind of love. He sells those fancypants hair straighteners that are outrageously priced but work wonders on the do. While he did my hair, he serenaded me between pitches extolling the virtues of product--totally the highlight of my day.

I promised him I would give him a shoutout on my blog, and he deserves it not only for his adorable enthusiasm but for for the artful way he explicitly stated that he did not want to pressure me into buying while he simultaneously pressured me.

High five, Avri at the Tacoma Mall who sells Evalectric hair straighteners.

Ruby, My Beauty

I am moving soon, and today I sorted through some of my old notebooks--I have about a gazillion of them--and I found some poems that I wrote for a class in college. This one is for my long lost love (who was a car). Feel free to make fun of me.

Nearly seventeen years I waited to meet you,
And continually the ache grew and grew
So with set face I set forth
And found you mine.

Yes, finally.

It was a tiny eternity, ours.
It seemed just like hours
That we cruised, united and smooth.
You were my catchphrase.

Yes, mine.

We survived a bad turn and a few lies.
But everything seemed all right.
I'm so sorry we came to that light,
So sad that the other guy was there.

Yes, full of regret.

Ruby, dear friend,
You've met your end.
Worth less than your value.
So heartbreaking, but true.

Goodbye, dear Ruby
And as you do your junkyard duty,
Remember all our glee
That we had together.

Yes, I'll remember too.

And one more apology;
Your replacement is Cherry.
She's younger and thinner,
An undeniable prize.

Yes, she shines.

So as you rust,
Keep all my love,
And please hold no grudge.
Farewell, Ruby my beauty.

Six Characters Who Deserved Better

Ever read a story or watch a movie that had too many amazing characters? Sometimes the minor characters even overshadow the main player in a story. Who are some famous characters that should have gotten a little more of the spotlight? 

Rhett Butler 

image via commons.wikimedia.org 

Let's face it. As much as we love Scarlett O'Hara's spunk and unbridled brattiness, her beau was the one with the real it factor. While Scarlett paraded around charming men and insulting Melanie Wilkes, Rhett was out fighting a war. Honestly, when I read Gone with the Wind, I would skip whole paragraphs in an effort to arrive more quickly at Rhett's next appearance. 

The Ninth Doctor

Sure, everyone loves the tenth and eleventh doctors, but HELLO! How can you not adore the ninth doctor's cool jacket and cheeky attitude? Of course, it isn't like the show's producers booted Mr. Eccleston out--he had his own reasons for walking away from Doctor Who, but still...pout pout. Sniffle sniffle. 

Mary Bennet

While I respect Jane Austen and like her stories, I'm definitely not one of her biggest fans. Mary Bennet, the middle child of the Bennet family in Pride and Prejudice, was the talented sister who always seemed to get pushed aside. It would have been cool to learn more about her from Jane Austen. Other people took up the challenge, however. Whole books have been written by other authors about what happened to Mary Bennet. 

Fezzik

Yes, The Princess Bride is all about true love and such, but the movie doesn't do justice for Fezzik. The book, however, lets the giant shine. He is so much more than an adorable brute with a gift for rhyming. Well, I guess I should stop whining...

Fantine 

Granted, the book Les Miserables goes on and on about Fantine's doomed romance and her dogged determination to take care of her daughter no matter the cost. In movie versions of the story, we miss something about the ill-fated woman. I think there should be a new version of the story wherein Fantine pulls off a miraculous survival and we see her later on in the story. Not really my place to mess with the classics, I know, but I hate to see a great character die. 

Raoul

The Phantom is one of my favorite characters ever, hands down. However, I think his romantic rival deserves a little more credit. Depending on which version of the story you watch (or read), Raoul might be a gallant and charming champion or a bitter drunkard. The latter description refers to the horrible, awful sequel to The Phantom of the Opera. Seriously, totally ruined poor Raoul. And ruined the Phantom, too, for that matter, but that's an entirely different rant. 

It's easy to become attached to people that don't exist. The realm of fiction is plumb full of fascinating people who never do boring things like use the restroom or run errands. Some of those non-people deserve more and better. 

Dear Friends

Dear Friends,

Thanks so much for the helping hand.
Our time goes so fast, like an hour glass of sand.
Sometimes I don't say a word. Don't get me wrong.
I want to burst out in song.
I'd sing about how you make me laugh and how you make me glow,
About how you make me happy and how you help me grow.

The world's a jumbled, sick mess, plumb full of distress.
Sometimes it beats me up and I get down, I confess.
But it's the same for you,
And shoulder to shoulder we'll make it through.
So build me up, shove me forward,
And I'll do the same for you.

Thanks for listening when I've got nothing or something to say.
Willing ears and caring hearts keep the worst loneliness at bay.

Thanks for goofing off and being ridiculous
Without humor, something is definitely amiss.

Thanks for the loads of smiles and hugs;
They're better than my favorite drug--
That is, caffeine.
Which, by the way, if you ever want to meet for a cup of coffee, call me. I'm free.

Thanks for being there, wherever there may be.
It's a nice place. I hope you never leave.

Done!

Today I finally did what I've been talking about doing for ages and ages. I self-published my novel on Amazon as an ebook. I wish I could say I'm excited. I wish I could say I feel like I accomplished something. Okay, maybe I'm a little excited, but mostly I'm nervous.

What if I missed some glaring typos? What if the fact that I put it under my own name causes an issue? What if I decide later that I want to change something that happens in the story? Ahh!

Okay, Joy, calm down. Of course it isn't perfect. It's a creative work, and no piece of art is "perfect" because art is subjective. Also, I can do better with the sequel. (Yep, the sequel is already in the planning stages.)

What did I learn from my first complete novel writing experience?

• Writing a rough draft is easy. It's the revision and editing that take the most time and cause the most anxiety. 
• Beta readers are a nice idea, but, well...all my friends have very busy lives. The feedback that I did get from them was valuable, though. 
• It helps to take notes. No matter how well I thought I knew my story, I would forget little details along the way. It helps to make a document map to easily reference what I've written before. 
• I'm not as horrible at writing as I thought I was. 
• I'm not as good at writing as I thought I was. 
• I have a thing with adverbs. I used WAY too many in the first drafts. Especially the words "just" and "really." Really, who needs all that nonsense cluttering up the prose? 
• I'm also in love with incomplete sentences. 

I also learned some things about myself. Writing is nice therapy. Sometimes I would find myself writing something and realize a connection with my real life that I never thought about before. I think everyone should write a novel. It's kind of an eye-opening experience. 

Overall, I guess I'm satisfied. I didn't write this novel because I wanted to make money or show off my mad writing skills. I wrote it because I love to write and don't want to be afraid to share my writing with others. (I used to harbor a unreasonable fear of people reading my work. I would only work late at night when there was no chance of someone looking over my shoulder.) 

Well...bust out the confetti, I guess. 

I'm excited to see what happens next. 

(By the way, the title is The Legend of Blaerick Blackheart. That is, if you're interested.) 

I Dub Thee...

Some of the world's most famous authors have written under a pseudonym, including JK Rowling, Stephen King, and Michael Crichton. Now, I don't plan on becoming a world-famous author, but I have been contemplating the benefits of publishing my work under another name.

All of my friends and I hold strong religious convictions, so we limit what we allow ourselves to enjoy as recreation. Of course, everyone's conscience is different. I really don't want to offend anyone. That's one of the major benefits of writing under an assumed name, I think. But am I worrying too much about that? My friends all understand that consciences vary. Besides that, while my book does have some less than pleasant things happen in it, I don't think it's particularly graphic. But that's just me. Hmm..

Another benefit of a pseudonym is the freedom to pick my own name. Haha. The possibilities are endless. I'm tempted to pick something really outrageous.

I found a fun pseudonym generator online (here is the link if you want to play with it). What do you think of the name Fey Jarret? Norby Gustafson? Chastity Von Hoffman? Then again, I am a writer. I should be able to come up with my own pen name, right?

Would you believe that wikihow has a guide on how to come up with a pseudonym? Apparently, for my genre, I should use initials. How does J.E. Nelson sound? Boring, I know. How about E.J. Nell? Too funny. How about H.L. Nelson? Happy because my first name is Joy, and Lizzy because my middle name is Elizabeth.

Or should I keep my own name? I mean, I've already told basically everyone I know that I plan on self-publishing my novel. Most of my friends aren't avid readers, anyway, so I should be too frantic about the effect the content might have. Plus, I rather like my name.

I have to decide soon. I have two and half more chapters to edit. Then I have my final read-through to weed out as many little typos as possible. And then...drumroll please...I am going to publish!